The rubber soles of my shoes pound the nylon track repeatedly. Boom boom boom boom, faster and faster I run. Below me the white blur of the treadmill brand slides past my feet while the motor hums quietly. I stare endlessly as the smudge of letters passes by over and over again. I start to well up in tears as my exhaustion denies my eyes to blink.
I can’t help but think, as my feet strike the ground, of the passage of time. The white blur below me, just like time, moves faster and faster right before my eyes.
Life is very surreal right now. I feel like one of those characters in a movie; standing on the street corner unmoving, while the cars and people around them are a streak of color, moving in hyper drive. I feel like I’m dreaming. 2 ½ weeks. I leave in a couple weeks. Wait, hold on. Ok let me breathe a sec… HEY! Hold on! Wait!
I still love you, Chicago.
I love everything about you. My past three years here have felt like a lifetime. This is the place where I finally felt like I was HOME. This is the place where I grew up, became the woman I am today. This is the city where all my dreams have come true. I’ve expanded and stretched and grown beyond my own recognition. I’ve conquered fears, I’ve danced til the sun peaked over Lake Michigan, I’ve made true friends and lost them all at once. This is the reason I went to college. This is everything I’ve ever wanted. I love it here.
I no longer own a car. In the mornings I get to join the rest of my city in our moves to “point B”. Instead of leaving my highrise in my car and driving straight to work, I walk the city streets and catch busses and cabs and ride the EL. I like it. I put my headphones on and soak in the beating energy of the throngs of people on Michigan Avenue, the blue collars on the Blue Line EL, the families in my neighborhood walking their dogs. I’m in it, I’m more a part of it now. It’s perfect timing; I’m throwing myself into this city for the last couple weeks that I have it.
I can’t believe I’m already moving out of Chicago. It’s difficult to leave a life that you love. But I smile in saying this, because as much as I love my home here…
It would have never been enough.
Not until I live this magnificent aspiration that I’ve held so close for so long will I ever be able to settle anywhere. But I sure am going to miss it here.
I’m going to miss my majestic view of the city and Lake Michigan, watching fireworks from my windows every Wednesday and Saturday, and the serenity of falling asleep in my peaceful apartment. I’m going to miss driving 2-4 hours to get to my family, even more – I’m going to miss seeing/calling my family any time I want. I’m going to miss my dear and amazing friends.
What I have to remember though, is that this all will be right here, waiting for me. I can have this life again. This all is not a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. My world trip however … is. And the thought of the adventures that lie ahead of me… is beyond words. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I will always have Chicago. I will always have home. Now is the time to soar.
“For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been.. and there you will long to return..” -Leonardo Da Vinci
So, Dear Chicago, until we meet again my friend, you will always be my pride and joy. Dear Sweet Home of mine, until I see you once again.
