Thank God for CrAzY dreams....

Electricity is beating through my veins. My arms are in the air, my voice carries in song, I am dancing around my apartment. I have my ticket. I have my ticket that will fly me around the world. And the most exciting part of it all is that now I am also going to Egypt.. a place I have never even considered before. This fact brings me great comfort in my character, because when offered a chance of a lifetime, to stay in Egypt for a mere $40 more, not only did I take it, I took it with grand excitement and eagerness. I educated myself on safety for a whole 5 minutes, and then didn’t waste a second in calling him back with a holy, ”yes!!!!!” This process brings me comfort in my natural reaction, knowing that this adventure has and will continue to be more than I could ever imagine. This of course, comes to no surprise to me, I have always known this.

I call different friends; “I’m going to Egypt, I’m going to Egypt, HOLY CRAP I’M GOING TO EGYPT!!! Do you know where that is!?!?! It's in AFRICA!!” I felt drunk and dizzy in my excitement. I was then met with a quieted and calm, “cool”.

..

Of course this is the reaction. This is not their trip. They do not see the difference between Cambodia and Africa (Sorry, I am quoting someone here). And how could I expect any different? I was looking for a fever that would match my own, and was met with a cool indifference. And this is ok, this is another silent lesson and reminder. This is not their trip. This is mine. This is my sacred journey. I will be seeing these things on my own; I need to remember that no one will ever understand. I need to hold this reminder dearly and not be affected when my passionate love affair is met with indifference. This might take me a while.

I came across a quote that struck me deeply:

“Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” – Mark Jenkins

I read this, chills running down my body, and I start to cry. I don’t well up in tears like I usually do when something touches my heart; I start balling. Then, with my head in my hands, body trembling and tears forcing themselves out of the crevices of my fingers, I cry even harder. Years of prayers and words and dreams whispered quietly all violently flood my memory; “please help me” “don’t let me let go of this” “help me find my way” “ Lord let me fly” “let me fly” “give me the grace to see past this fear” … the same prayers over and over again for years. I see myself as a 17 year old dreaming about living abroad, then again as a 20 year old wanting start a dental hygiene movement in Greece, and then as a 23 year old dreaming of partying on the shores of Australia. I see all of my younger selves that prayed and desperately held on to this fate that seemed more like a fantasy then a reality. I hold these memories and cry with gratefulness. This is more than a dream to me. I don’t know if I will ever be able to understand or help anyone else understand what this means to me. I am so happy in crying these tears that I start to laugh. My brain, sitting back and watching this all, sends some warning messages to me that I might actually be going crazy. I laugh even harder. Today.. today is a good day. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I tried, and I didn’t give up, and now I am going. Life is a grand adventure, and I intend on living it.

I can hear inside me, somewhere deep inside me, there is an ecstatic young girl kicking up her feet with a triumphant fist in the air exclaiming;

“YES!! I KNEW I'd make it one day….”

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