Wild thing

She looked up at me as she closed her lips around the suction straw hanging from the corner of her mouth. We had been talking though out her cleaning appointment when she looks up at me and says as a matter of fact, "... you are a very curious young lady"...

I had never thought of it that way. For the rest of the afternoon and evening I was smiling.. like I had finally figured myself out. I keep trying to find an example of ME; someone who has lived my ideal life, with my ideal outlook and has done it successfully. Someone who has done it and says "its okay, you can do it too". I keep searching for that example, that guideline of my perfect self that I know is set before me, like its some sort of permission slip to move forward. Its like its won't be officially okay in my heart until I KNOW the guidelines are set and boxes carefully colored in. But I can't find it. Its not there. Its not there because that life has not been lived yet.

I've never been one for a conventional life. I've always preferred more color, more adventure, something ... different. If everyone else was doing it (or wearing it).. I made it a point NOT to. It hasn't ever occurred to me that I would be a trail marker, a road carver.. someone making the rules up as I go. But thinking of life that way.. SO freeing, so exhilarating, yet so frightening and earth shattering. I'm stepping into the unknown with no one to hold my hand. Although I know many have gone before me, I still feel like I'm making waves and breaking barriers. .. Because in my head, my world.. I AM.

Most of the fear has left me now. I'm excited and ready to roll... like a caged bird, I'm ready to spread my wings and fly. The anticipation is paramount. I feel like a windup toy, about to break at the seams and catapult forward. 

I HAVE to write in here because I don't have anymore talking to do. My mouth has been running with this dream for years. The time has come for action. 

I'm BoReD. I feel bad saying it living in a city like Chicago. It has lifetimes of potential if I'd just take off my shoes and stay a while. But I can't, I won't. I've got one foot out the door with eyes gazing elsewhere.

I'm not even here.

I just know something will come out of this. This is no little vacation, mark my words. I hope words of my explorations far and wide reach open and yearning ears everywhere. Maybe its not travel that people yearn for, maybe its another dream or demon even, that needs to be tackled. Maybe a passion your life is begging to wrap its days around. But I hope to inspire someone. 

    Passion.

Passion unlived can make you crazy. To live your life without passion is like living without breathing. One couldn't make the assumption that you're truly alive without passion kissing your daily existence. 

I feel like a slug. Laughing, Farrah Fawcett once stated, "If I'm not stimulated, or challenged in life.. then I'm BORED. Its not a good side of me.." Sounds familiar. 

I am a restless wanderer.

I close my eyes to see clearly

I'm following quiet knowings, stepping

into the darkness with faith that there will be something

SOLID... to stand upon

My newest, favorite quote that I'd love to LIVE BY.....

"I'll have poetry in my life, and adventure, and love. Love above all. No..not the artful postures of love, not playful games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable, 

like a riot in the heart."

- Shakespeare