A Time for Mourning

How easy it is to place the whole of our hearts so completely in another person’s hands. How neglectful and sad to pour our souls into another’s that’s so steeped in its own sadness that it cannot help but to drown our soul in its own desperation for oxygen.

She reaches for his hand, but he isn’t there. His eyes speak of sadness, his trembling hands crumble at her touch. He caves in on himself in his sickness; he has lost the bottom of his boat, lost the life in his days. The liquid calms the teardrops, the burn coats the numbing guilt.

What can you do now? It seems that giving up is the best way for everyone. Lets all just go to bed, turn out the lights. Shhhh, don’t bother with the details. Hush now sweet one, best not to talk now, Daddy is sleeping. Unfortunately, giving up leaves a deafening silence that shatters any peace you had any hope of. The quiet hush of pain rushes through your veins like a drug, your eyes get heavy. Shhh, lets all just go to bed. Do not reach now for daddy, daddy isn’t there.

She pushes forward, shoving past the muddled mess and shattered pieces. She holds her pain like a jagged thorn, and looks the other way as it embeds itself deeper into her memories. Twisted weeds pull and tug at her limbs in a fierce desperation for her to stop. Slippery mud and stones catch her balance as she tumbles forward. Instinctively she knows the path is harsh, but she also knows that healing waves are on the other side of that dark night. Keep going sweet one, your ocean of serenity is humming sweet tunes just on that other side.

Running, running faster as the cool night air sweeps across her face, she tastes a freedom of brighter days and a freer existence. Over time she will rip away that shroud of secrecy, that veil of aching grief. The veil that gave her comfort through so many years of confusion is also the veil that hid her beauty and fierce strength, the demon that suffocated the radiance of her divinity.

Hold tight dear one, don’t give up, never let go. You may be in the heart of that dark forest of grief, but know that there are guardians, keepers of our souls that are determined and steadfast in support of you. Take a deep breath and keep pushing through. Don’t listen to those voices that pull at you to stop, those tangled weeds of doubt and uncertainty. You may not know where the path may lead, where the direction of your determination will guide you, but in following your heart you are following your divinity to its’ very foundation. You will reach a point, you will look up and see a clearing in the shroud of that thick forest covering, and you will SEE. This is where healing and peace will permeate the very oxygen you breathe.

Keep fighting dear one, the sun shines on even when the night takes over. Keep pushing through your teardrops and tender ache, and have patience. This is the year. This is the year you taste the sacred light of the stars. This is the year you illuminate your darkness.

I love you.