This sentence sent me reeling into pain and resentment. Bitter words and anger spewed from me as I cursed that very sentence. "What has she done but left me and rejected me??" "Screw that, piss on that.. I'll tell you what else she's done... " Bla. Bla. Bla.
I hated my reaction as I was living it. I don't want to feel this way. I walked around my apartment, getting ready for work and desperately prayed for a way to move on from this, once again.
Driving through the city that day in mid chorus of some random song, it hit me.. and I found the grace to see this situation in a different light. When I parked I wrote these words down;
"In holding your anger, you curse her rejection of you as if it were her own, as if she had a choice. The only choice she had was 20 years ago in her deep sorrow, finding a path that gave her peace. This path is also one you rejected and has rejected you in return. Your rejection of her life has given you yours. Because you left, you have lived dreams and expanded beyond recognition. The tragedy of this story is not in a mother rejecting her daughter, but in a controlling, all consuming religion separating a family. There cannot be a middle ground here. She has no choice but to give up her entire life or give you up (and vice versa). Initially you rejected this religion, it and she did not reject you. She runs from you because she is an incredibly sad mother and her guilt does not allow her to recognize you in the most allowed and relaxed settings. The only thing worse than "hate" is indifference. Let her be. This separation has nothing to do with you. Give yourself a rest. To take this personal is the worst sin of all."
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